


The Rumor Come Out: Does Everyone Is Gay?

by consumeeven



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: (T is really for language just in case), Bad Puns, Chatting & Messaging, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, M/M, Yarne bullying, Yarne is a furry, Young Anna (fire emblem), everyone gets bullied it's inevitable, noire steals a car, owain gets disowained, personal bias is obvious with these ships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-02-23 12:49:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23878354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/consumeeven/pseuds/consumeeven
Summary: Does all awakening characters is gay (or pan/bi!)?chatfic with lots of personal bias in the ships[ON HOLD: For a few weeks while I finish up summer classes and just take a break for my mental health. Next chapter will be extra long to compensate]
Relationships: (she’s awakening Anna’s daughter), Azur | Inigo/Gerome, Cynthia/Marc | Morgan, Degel | Kjelle/Lucina, Eudes | Owain/Loran | Laurent, Everyone & Everyone, Lucina & Marc | Morgan, Nah/Anna (fire emblem), Noire/Serena | Severa, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Yarne/Brady, lots of parent ships in the background that arent tagworthy but ill list them
Kudos: 27





	1. disowained

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Useless Lesbian: Let us go, lesbians.
> 
> go stupid aAAAAAAA: YOU WERE MEANT TO SAY “LET’S GO LESBIANS” NOW IT SOUNDS LIKE WE’RE BEING SAPPHICALLY KIDNAPPED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anazlannedi b,,,bro you are the best beta reader 👉👈 thank you

**[Severa invited 12 others to chat: Kiddos]**

**Severa:** Listen up fuckers.

 **Noire:** sorry what is this?

 **Severa:** gawds Noire it’s a chatroom. Just listen up.

 **Laurent:** Severa, I do not have time for whatever you’ve done now. My mother and I are preparing for nationals.

 **Noire:** ooh nationals of what.?

 **Laurent:** I am on the school’s mathlete team. Perhaps you have heard of our accomplishments? 

**Severa:** I don’t care if you’re busy studying for your nerd competition.

 **Severa:** This is important.

 **Lucina:** Severa, I’m curious. What exactly did you do this time?

 **Cynthia:** Sis am i gonna get in trouble for you again

 **Morgan:** lol what did you burn down this time can I help

 **Severa:** Why do you guys think i did a crime??

 **Severa:** And Morgan that was ONE TIME SHUT UP

 **Yarne:** w-what did u ddo?

 **Severa:** gawds why did I invite you.

 **Nah:** Yarne you do not need to stutter in text.

 **Yarne:** sowwy nah

 **Owain:** uwu

 **Brady:** ur getting disowned owain

 **Owain:** nani? W-why Bwady my bwo~? dwont disowain mwe *glomp*

 **Kjelle:** What on earth did I just walk into

 **Owain:** sowwy kale jelly *bwushes in shwame*

 **Kjelle:** you lot are pathetic

 **Severa:** ugh can you guys just listen????

 **Morgan:** no lmao

 **Inigo:** I’ll listen to Severa <333

 **Inigo:** everyone seems to be asking, but what did you dO <3333

 **Severa:** Nothing ughhh

 **Inigo:** cmon bby what did you dO? <3333women

 **Severa:** Inigo stop ur so extra

 **Morgan:** what are you gonna do about it

 **[Severa changed Inigo’s name to Inigo Montoya]**

**Inigo Montoya:** i

 **Noire:** it could’ve been worse…

 **Severa:** if you weren’t Noire’s brother i’d kill you.

 **Nah:** k so I took Yarne’s phone away

 **Nah:** what’d you do?

**[Severa changed Nah’s name to Scaley Nope]**

**Cynthia:** Sevvy stop being mean ill tell mom

 **Severa:** if you do I’ll tell them about the thing

 **Cynthia:** not the thing!!

 **[Severa changed Cynthia’s name to Peppy Little Bitch]**

**Peppy Little Bitch:** I am NOT a little bitch!

 **Laurent:** She whined bitchily.

 **[Severa changed Laurent’s name to Mathlete Jr]**

**Severa:** Whoever talks gets their name changed :/

 **Mathlete Jr:** Duly noted.

 **Severa:** I agree but you trying to joke is weird.

 **Mathlete Jr:** Peculiar.

 **Severa:** Im going to change Yarne’s because that took years off my lifespan earlier

 **[Severa changed Yarne’s name to Furry Nope]**

**Owain:** what’d he dwo wwong uwo? *notices bwulge*

 **[Severa changed Owain’s name to I have the power of god and anime on my side]**

**Brady:** bro ur seriously getting disowned

 **Brady:** ma would kill you if she read that

 **[Severa changed Brady’s name to anime]**

**I have the power of god and anime on my side:** aw bwo youwe on my siwde

 **Noire:** the siblings are matching aw…

 **Severa:** Noire are you daft i said dont talk

 **Severa:** Ugh whatever

 **[Severa changed Noire’s name to babey please protect]**

**babey please protect:** im sorry!

 **Severa:** ill change my name too then.

 **Severa:** Cynthia Im letting you use my phone you better not screw it up

 **Lucina:** Wait, I don't understand. Why are you changing your own name?

 **Severa:** it’s just fair!

 **Cynthia:** thanks for the idea Luci!!

 **Lucina:** I don’t know what idea, but you’re welcome.

 **Severa:** ugh go ahead and do hers too.

 **[Severa changed Lucina’s name to Useless Lesbian]**

**[Severa changed Severa’s name to Tsundere]**

**Cynthia:** haha!!

 **Tsundere:** Cynthie Im not a weeb and do not understand

 **Inigo Montoya:** Noire told me you’ve watched animes with her and cried

 **Tsundere:** NOIRE THAT WAS PRIVATE

 **Inigo Montoya:** multiple times

 **babey please protect:** im sorry;; he’s my brother

 **Tsundere:** I’d feel sorry for myself too if he was my brother.

 **Inigo Montoya:** ,

 **Tsundere:** and for the record that did NOT happen and i still do NOT know what a tsundere is.

 **Tsundere:** Kjelle get your batman knockoff of a brother online

 **Kjelle:** Alright.

 **[Tsundere changed Kjelle’s name to Butch^Butch]**

**Butch^Butch:** Heh.

 **Butch^Butch:** he screamed at me for walking in when he didnt have his mask on but he’s online now.

 **Gerome:** You invaded my privacy.

 **[Tsundere changed Gerome’s name to MCR Stan]**

**Inigo Montoya:** hey it’s not bad music

 **Morgan:** lol gay

 **[Tsundere changed Morgan’s name to go stupid aAAAAAAA]**

**Useless Lesbian:** Sister, I believe you yourself are gay?? Was I mistaken?

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** lol gay

 **Inigo Montoya:** me? Haha you are mistaken I am straight as an arrow

 **Tsundere:** _Image: bentarrow.jpg_

 **Tsundere:** OK GOOD POINT GAY HAHA NOW EVERYONE *SHUSH*

 **Tsundere:** I made this group for a VERY important reason

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** ok gayvera

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** sevvy cmon tell us!! 

**Mathlete Jr:** I have things to be studying, please make it quick.

 **Tsundere:** Ughh guys, all of our parents had a chatroom.

 **Butch^Butch:** who the hell trusted Chrom with technology

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** ^

 **Useless Lesbian:** Morgan, that is not a very polite way to speak of our father.

 **Scaley Nope:** I agree with Morgan and Kjelle

 **Useless Lesbian:** well, I suppose I must admit I do as well.

 **Tsundere:** Yeah yeah we all do.

 **Tsundere:** those boomers are stupid so im making this

 **Useless Lesbian:** Oh, this is a way to prove you are better than your mother?

 **Useless Lesbian:** You know Severa, you don’t always have to compare yourself to Miss Cordelia.

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** Luci!! she’s really sensitive about that!!

 **Useless Lesbian:** My apologies Severa, I didn’t know that was a point of insecurity for you.

 **Tsundere:** It is not, gawds!

 **Useless Lesbian:** oh, it seems I was mistaken again. Sorry.

 **Tsundere:** are you daft?

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** HAHA ANYWAYS BEFORE EVERYONE GETS IN A FIGHT

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** YALL ARE GAY

 **Scaley Nope:** And?

 **MCR Stan:** Point being?

 **Inigo Montoya:** haha still not

 **Tsundere:** wait seriously guys how many of us ARE gay??

 **Tsundere:** _link: gay poll_

_Question: Are you straight?_

_Yes/No_

_13 Answers: 1 Yes, 12 No_

**I have the power of god and anime on my side:** uwu i liek boys *pounce and nuzzles*

 **anime:** y r u my brother

 **Mathlete Jr:** these are interesting results. Did we inherit the gayness?

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** INHERIT THE GAYNESS

 **Tsundere:** pffft Laurent you actually said something somewhat funny for once

 **[Tsundere renamed the chat to Gay Inheritants]**

**Useless Lesbian:** Is it inheritants or inheritors? 

**Scaley Nope:** idc/k

 **Useless Lesbian:** Nah, what does this mean?

 **Scaley Nope:** :) dw bout it

 **babey please protect:** all but one person said no to being straight?

 **babey please protect:** I think I know who said yes…

 **babey please protect:** … i wouldnt trust him about that

 **Inigo Montoya:** SISTER WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU NOT BEING A NARC

 **babey please protect:** I AM PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF SPEAKING UP, YOU BLITHERING BIPEDAL BISEXUAL PRIDE FLAG!

 **babey please protect:** sorry;; i mean everyone could kinda tell

 **Useless Lesbian:** i agree, he does seem quite… flamboyant. 

**Tsundere:** lol yeah Inigo you’re kinda obvious

 **Scaley Nope:** Are we ignoring the fact she just like

 **Scaley Nope:** Snapped?

 **babey please protect:** sorry;; it happens sometimes

 **Mathlete Jr:** I thought her alliteration was rather attractive.

 **I have the power of god and anime on my side:** nwot as hawt as u lauwent.

 **Useless Lesbian:** Snapped? I assumed she just put capitals lock on by accident, something I myself have done.

 **Tsundere:** stop texting like you're writing an essay gawds

 **Furry Nope:** The bent arrow was funny. Haha.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** that was like?? forever ago?

 **Butch^Butch:** conversation kinda moved on.

 **Scaley Nope:** im screening his messages. 

**I got the power of god and anime on my side:** hey bwady u owouldnt scween my mweesagwes uwuould youwu?

 **anime:** ma says shes so glad she didn give birth to ya

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** *cwies and swakes*

 **Tsundere:** ew, birth.

 **Tsundere:** I can’t handle you boys. Inigo you’re Noire’s brother so you have to have a braincell somewhere in there.

 **Inigo Montoya:** ;)

**[Tsundere created new chat: Girls and invited 6 others]**

**[Tsundere created new chat: Boys and invited 6 others]**

**[Tsundere changed Boys admin to Inigo Montoya]**

**[Tsundere left chat Boys]**

**Tsundere:** Inigo let them run wild or whatever. Just dont bother me about it.

* * *

**[Girls]  
**

**Tsundere:** I cannot stand them.

 **Useless Lesbian:** Let us go, lesbians.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** YOU WERE MEANT TO SAY “LET’S GO LESBIANS” NOW IT SOUNDS LIKE WE’RE BEING SAPPHICALLY KIDNAPPED

 **Useless Lesbian:** Sorry Morgan. I can delete the offending message.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** NO LEAVE IT LET US GO LESBIANS AJHGJKESB IM DYING

 **Tsundere:** Pff

 **[Tsundere renamed the chat to Sapphic White Van]**

**Butch^Butch:** Calm down, bottom.

 **Butch^Butch:** Actually, you’re all bottoms.

 **Tsundere:** Ugh you couldn’t handle me!

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** you totally could, I have to handle Severa everyday!

 **babey please protect:** um, Cynthia i think she meant something different

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** huh?

 **babey please protect:** sorry;; I dunno maybe ask Inigo!

 **Butch^Butch:** Here it comes…

 **Useless Lesbian:** Here comes what?

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** SEVVY OH MY GOSH

 **Scaley Nope:** I think anyone could handle Severa.

 **Tsundere:** None of you could! Someone has to agree, right?

 **babey please protect:** yes..?

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** NOIRE COUDLNT HANDLEK SBVERA

 **Useless Lesbian:** Morgan, please stop your unholy screeching I can hear it from my room.

 **Useless Lesbian:** Our dads are trying to sleep.

 **Tsundere:** woah i forgot you guys had DADS cant relate

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** yeah but we still love our moms loads right Sevvy??

 **Tsundere:** mhm sure

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** :O Stop being sarcastic!!

 **Tsundere:** haha no cya sis i need my beauty sleep 

**Scaley Nope:** yeah, you really do

 **Tsundere:** actually? screw you im staying up and looking at memes until 3am

 **Tsundere:** Ill still be prettier than you.

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** but Sevvy i cant sleep when you keep screens on!!

 **Tsundere:** lol then im leaving

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** what?? 

**Peppy Little Bitch:** Sevvy where did you go?????

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** SEVVY?????

 **Useless Lesbian:** Did Severa vanish from your home?

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** YEAH GUYS SHE LEFT THE WINDOW OPEN

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** SEVVY??!?!?????

 **babey please protect:** oh no is she ok??

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** read now: how Nah and Cynthia made a girl run away from home in a few easy steps.

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** We did NOT!!!

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** step one: call her ugly

 **Scaley Nope:** i did do that

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** step two tell her she’s the demon you have nightmares about and the reason you need a nightlight on

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** I DIDNT SAY THAT MORGAN STOP IT!!!!1!!

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** i tease because I love

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** huh??

 **babey please protect:** you can borrow my nightlight if you want Cynthia i think ill be okay without it for tonight!

 **Butch^Butch:** You actually still have a nightlight.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** lol rlly?

 **Useless Lesbian:** Is there something bad about that? And Morgan, I seem to recall you having one until you broke it last month.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** haha lol nooooPE

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** Noire i dont need it! Im brave, all I need is my sister back!! SEVVY WHERE ON EARTH DID YOU GOOO??

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** SEVVY PLEASE ILY COME HOME

* * *

**[Boys]**

**[Inigo Montoya renamed the chat to Mancave]**

**I got the power of god and anime on my side:** uwu

 **anime:** Brother I humbly request that ya knock it the fuck off

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** yowouwu alwost uwu twalked lwiek mwather

 **anime:** i cant even read this anymore

 **Furry Nope:** hai owain~!

 **anime:** yarne ya gotta be better than this deep down dude pls

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** uwu yarne~~ *gwolomps* i pwefer Owoain sowwy *glwomps*

 **anime:** bro plz stop encouragin him

 **Furry Nope:** aw sowwy owoain *nuzzle* pwease fowgiwe me chu~

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** my soword hand twigwles… and swomting else teehee

 **anime:** OWAIN STOP RIGHT NOW

 **Inigo Montoya:** sometimes im ashamed to be friends with you all

 **Furry Nope:** oh wowwie!! *eyues^ uwujkl

 **Furry Nope:** ;;;;;’

 **MCR Stan:** You know, when I said we should hunt the furries that one time, I was not being literal.

 **anime:** OWAIN DIDYA FUCKING SHOOT HIM??

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** uuhat the fuck ive never killed anyone uuith my cringe before

 **anime:** THANK GODS I GOT MAH NORMAL BRO BACK

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** *nuzzles my brother*

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** i feel no shame but my uu key is jammed and Yarne is dead

 **Inigo Montoya:** wwwwwww are you jealous 

**I got the power of god and anime on my side:** yeah :(

 **Mathlete Jr:** use this ‘ w ‘ to copy and paste if needed

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** twanks waurent i wuv yowouwu 

**Mathlete Jr:** Interesting.

 **anime:** Owain you fuckin twink stop

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** sowwy

 **MCR Stan:** You are disgraceful 

**Inigo Montoya:** they really are

 **Mathlete Jr:** Now kiss. 

**I got the power of god and anime on my side:** WOW LAURENT OKAY WWWWWWWW

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** WWWWISH THAT WERE MEE

 **anime:** bro get off the computer and go the fuck to sleep before u wake up ma and mom

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** ok bredy

 **anime:** owain plz

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** AWOOOOOGAAAA

* * *

**[Gay Inheritants]**

**Peppy Little Bitch:** HAS ANYONE SEEN MY BEAUTIFUL SISTER SEVVY?????

 **Inigo Montoya:** ,

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** INIGO???? WHERE IS SHE????

 **Inigo Montoya:** ,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you might not have figured out all the parents yet from this so here's a list of the gen 1 pairs and some notes for convenience. (i did a few of these for the siblings' dynamics no shame)
> 
> Olivia x Tharja  
> Sumia x Cordelia  
> Maribelle x Lissa  
> Cherche x Sully  
> Miriel x Anna (Laurent gets a slightly younger sister named Anna)  
> Panne x Nowi (I imagine her as actually looking like an adult in this fic, although still small)  
> Chrom x M Robin


	2. Welcome to Welcome to Chili’s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> scooby and the gang go on a rescue mission.
> 
> scooby and the gang need someone to rescue them also please.

**Peppy Little Bitch:** Inigo please! Where is my little sister I miss her so much?!???!!!!

 **Inigo Montoya** **:** isnt she older? I don’t trust you...

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** INIGO PLEASE OR I WILL TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THE THING

 **Inigo Montoya:** BUT YOU WERE THERE TOO??

 **anime:** what the fuck is the thing

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** INIGO, THE WORLD ISNT READY! DO NOT SATIATE THEIR QUENCH FOR KNOWLEDGE, I BEG OF YOU!

 **Mathlete** **Jr:** You mean thirst, not quench.

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** m-me always thirst for u lauwent OWO

 **Mathlete Jr:** I hate you.

 **anime:** at least he isn’t being a furry with Yarne

 **babey please** **protect:** i don’t know where she went but she said she was with yarne;;?

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** THANK YOU NOIRE!!!!!!! TO REPAY YOU I WILL GRANT YOU SEVVY’S HAND IN MARRIAGE

 **babey please protect:**?? I’ll pass sorry;; so where’s Yarne?

 **Scaley Nope:** oh well Yarne ran away after I threatened to eat him.

 **Butch^Butch:** Do not vore your brother.

 **Scaley Nope:** ACTUALLY I was trying to keep him from voring Owain so I trapped him under his own bed but he got out and said something about “I’m welcome at chili’s” but as long as he isn’t yiffing from my IP address I’m fine!

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** so theyre at chilis at midnight??

 **Mathlete Jr:** Welcome to chili’s.

 **Useless Lesbian:** is Chili’s open at such an hour?

 **Mathlete Jr:** I said, Welcome to Chili’s

 **anime:** ur a broken record

 **Mathlete Jr:** And you guys aren’t listening.

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** a light in the distance calls... I am granted such knowledge...

 **I got the power of god and anime on my** **side:** the true meaning of his words... the obvious name of such fine dining... hidden beneath our noses, which we turned up in disgust... such power...

 **anime:** he’s saying the place is just called “Welcome to Chili’s”

 **Mathlete Jr:** Finally.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** no but really??????

 **Useless Lesbian:** Is it even legal to name a restaurant that?

 **Mathlete Jr:** Yes. My distant cousin owns the establishment. It’s open all hours

 **Scaley Nope:** and your sister works there, right??

 **Useless Lesbian:** Why have we not invited your sister to join our chat?

 **Laurent Jr:** I do not want her influenced by you all. Also, Inigo is here.

 **Inigo Montoya:** Isn’t she like 15? I’m a creep but not like that.

 **Scaley Nope:** I’m literally 15 am I getting banned

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** you’re WHAT

 **Useless Lesbian:** Is it common for Anna’s to get jobs at 15?

 **Mathlete Jr:** Our family is built upon hard work. Had I been female, I’d be at work right now.

 **Useless Lesbian:** trans rights

 **Useless Lesbian:** Did I say it right, Morgan?

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** Yes!! I’m so proud. A tear is in my eye

 **Scaley Nope:** is Anna working there tonight?

 **Mathlete Jr:** Yes.

 **Scaley Nope:** As one of our few braincells, I’m going to rescue Yarne.

 **anime:** so why is he with Severa anyways?

 **Useless Lesbian:** Oh! Perhaps it is a date.

 **anime:** then I’m going

 **anime:** before he gets his head ripped off

 **babey please protect:** I’m going too!! If that’s alright;;

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** Three chosen heroes embark on a journey into the dusk... to save those too far gone... Can I go too?

 **anime:** one of us needs to carry on the family name if I die

 **anime:** speaking of which, I’m gonna pick y’all up in 5, vroom vroom

**———**

**Scaley Nope:** who the fuck gave Brady a license 

**babey please protect:** if I die,,, tell Inigo he’s a bottom

 **Inigo Montoya:** hey what the fuck sister

 **Mathlete Jr:** I believe my great aunt sold his parents the car if that helps?

 **anime:** I’m trying my fuckin best

 **Useless Lesbian:** eyes on the road!

 **Butch^Butch:** you guys are screwed. 

**anime:** I’m letting Noire drive before I crash

 **Scaley Nope:** we cant die before getting to Welcome to Chili’s

 **Inigo Montoya:** wait

 **Inigo Montoya:** DONT LET NOIRE DRIVE

 **Useless Lesbian:** I believe she does have a license

 **Scaley Nope:** HOLY FUCKIBG SNHUIT

 **anime:** WHAT THE ASS

 **Scaley Nope:** _file: roadworkaheaduhNO.mov_

 **go stupid** **aAAAAAAA:** wtf the road is empty so why???

 **Useless Lesbian:** what is she screaming at?

 **Scaley Nope:** I don’t tknkw

 **anime:** i didn think she could say all that. Legally

 **Useless Lesbian:** I don’t understand what she’s saying... She’ll put her hand so far up their ass that it’ll come out of the mouth and then she can shake it? That seems illogical.

 **MCR Stan:** This is why Kjelle and I do not speak in here.

 **Butch^Butch:** you don’t talk in here because you’re watching anime.

 **babey please protect:** ooh which one? sorry I left;; I was driving

 **Inigo Montoya:** Sister, please tell me you pulled over to check for damages.

 **babey please protect:** oh, actually Nah is driving now sorry!!

 **Mathlete Jr:** Legality aside... that might be the best option

 **anime:** she’s p good

 **babey please protect:** I thought I was doing ok;; guess not

 **Useless Lesbian:** ah, hello Noire. If you have a minute, could you explain exactly what you meant by that one threat? Morgan is on the floor doing what I assume is crying, so I’d just like to know what you meant?

 **babey please protect:** I uhm,, don’t remember

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** why can Nah drive but no one lets me

 **Useless Lesbian:** The driver gets the aux cord in our household.

 **Butch^Butch:** Do not give Morgan the aux cord.

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** are you guys there yet PLEASE SAVE MY SIS

 **babey please protect:** Nah can parallel park really well!!

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** IS SHE THERE PLEASE BRING HER HOME BEFORE MY MOMS CRY

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** *before I cry

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** why would you cry?

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** WAIT. STOP BEING MEANN!!!

 **babey please protect:** we’re going in,,

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** RESCUE MY SEVVY

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** yeah, RESCUE MY SEVVY

 **Useless Lesbian:** Morgan, she is not our sister.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** I’ll fucking make her my sister

 **anime:** Nah and Noire ran straight to Severa

 **anime:** if this last convo w yarne is my last... I’ll miss none of ya

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** SEVVVVYYYYY!!! WHAT IS SHE DOING THOUGH? IS IT DRUGS??? TELL HER TO STOP

 **babey please protect:** she says she was teaching..?

 **Useless Lesbian:** Oh, Laurent, perhaps she’d like to join your mathlete team if she’s interested in such studious things.

 **Butch^Butch:** never thought I’d see the day *Lucina* said something like that

 **Useless Lesbian:** hm? I was just saying she should join his “nerd thing” since she is one as well.

 **babey please protect:** she’s going to get her phone;;

 **anime:** hey Cynthia, wiseass, if you were so worried about Severa then why didn’t ya text her???

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** she sorta blocked me after the thing :’(

 **Tsundere:** what the fuck guys I was just vibing 

**Tsundere:** did you stalk me

 **babey please protect:** nah told us yarne went here, and then i told them you were with Yarne

 **Tsundere:** Are you daft? Why did you tell them??

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** Sevvy dont be rude!! I was just so so worried about you!!!!

 **Useless Lesbian:** So, what were you teaching here?

 **Tsundere:** Well, don’t think this is a regular thing.

 **Tsundere:** but I got here and found some useless gays

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** lol luci you didn’t tell us you were with them

 **Useless Lesbian:** I was not. Also, where is Noire??

 **Tsundere:** that’s probably not too important. ANYWAYS I found them and was like wow losers

 **Inigo Montoya:** Imagine being gay

 **MCR Stan:** Could be us

 **Inigo Montoya:** ,

 **Useless Lesbian:** Is this a proposal?

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** just homies being homiesexual

 **anime:** yarne says you just yelled at him about your crush on neoieidsjsj

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** And so... the family title comes to me... Exalt Supreme... Owain Dark... my twitching hand shakes with sadness... shall I ever be whole again...? Without my bro... I am nothing.

 **Mathlete Jr:** Owain, it is alright.

 **Tsundere:** Brady knows nothing and has been de-phoned.

 **Tsundere:** Nah still has Yarne’s, so I’m safe from their LIES

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** give them their phones back guys!!

 **anime:** I feel like there’s a gun to my head now.

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** BRADY, MY HEART HAS NEVER SUNG A SONG SO SWEET, MY SWORD HAND QUIVERS AS IT REACHES TO GRAB YOURS, THOUGH IT CANNOT THROUGH THIS DIGITAL REALM, IT IS SETTLED FOR THE MOMENT AS IT KNOWS YOU ARE SECURE, YOU HAVE NOT GIVEN IN TO THE CRIMSON BLIGHT.

 **anime:** ya I’m also glad Sev didn’t kill me.

 **Useless Lesbian:** my cousins have such ways with words...

 **Tsundere:** I don’t care about your sword hand, but I’ll kill you with my bare hands if you say anything else.

 **Inigo Montoya:** Is this worse than the thing? Severa having a crush? <3333 hope it’s me ahaha

 **MCR Stan:** inigo. i will.

 **Inigo Montoya:** I feel threatened... will what?

 **Butch^Butch:** hey why do I hear so much screaming from Gerome’s room

 **Inigo Montoya:** SISTER PLEASE COME HOME IM SCARED AND IT’S DARK AND THAT MASKED MAN IS AFTER ME

 **babey please protect:** I’m on my way..

 **anime:** yarne says he keeps trying to get his phone but nah’s ignoring him

 **Tsundere:** I gave her advice and now she’s too busy flirting with the only employee lol

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** puppylove is so cute 

**Useless Lesbian:** Sister, are you being sarcastic? 

**go stupid aAAAAAAA:** not another word.

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** Sevvy please come home.

 **Tsundere:** in a minute, I can’t find Noire anywhere in here? i don’t think she’d be in the restroom so??

 **Inigo Montoya:** oh yeah she still can’t go to the bathroom alone at night without Sevvy or I being outside to wait for her.

 **Tsundere:** you do not get to call me Sevvy. 

**Mathlete Jr:** Before a fight breaks out I have a question.

 **Tsundere:** shoot.

 **Inigo Montoya:** anything to save me

 **Mathlete Jr:** Severa, did you say Nah was flirting with the ONLY employee?? 

**anime:** yeah she said she was the only one who could come in so late today

 **Tsundere:** she’s like, what, ten? Idk why she’s working so late.

 **Mathlete Jr:** Picture. Please.

 **Tsundere:** _image: lovebirds.jpg_

 **Tsundere:** I guess I have to admit they’re cute together

 **Mathlete Jr:** THAT’S MY FUCKING SISTER WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING FLIRTING WITH THE FURRY’S SISTER

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** a rare rage... shakes beneath the surface.. emerging... ARGH, SO POWERFUL!! So pure,Sosonyoudtong h

 **Useless Lesbian:** Why have you gotten so upset over this, Laurent?

 **Mathlete Jr:** WHAT THE HELL IM SO FUCKING BETRAYED NAGA WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME

 **anime:** Nah just got her number I think

 **Mathlete Jr:** SHE ASKED JSUT SODO DHE COULD AJAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** A trickery... fake familial bonds.. a commonplace question with subliminal meanings... welcome to Chili’s, welcome to hell for Lauwent 

**Mathlete Jr:** SHE GANNA HAVE SOME FUKING EXPLAIING TO SO THAT LITTLE TWERDP

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** Harry Potter becomes Ebony Dementia Dark’ness Raven Way

 **Useless Lesbian:** who?

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** wonderful character great book I’ll send you the link

 **Useless Lesbian:** I’ll look in the morning, thank you sister!

 **Tsundere:** um, guys

 **Tsundere:** i didn’t find Noire but I think I know where she is

 **anime:** then go get her ya idiot

 **Tsundere:** well I can’t. I’m too tired to walk and she took your car

 **anime:** NOT MAH FUCKING BABEY VROOMIE 

**Scaley Nope:** it’s almost 2am, we can find the car in the morning. 

**anime:** do we have to sleep here??

 **Scaley Nope:** you guys do!! Anna’s driving me home, cya! I’m leaving Yarne with his phone.

 **Tsundere:** no

 **anime:** no

 **Furry Nope:** n-no... pwease, sister~!

 **Inigo Montoya:** Well, she must have been gone a while before you noticed.

 **Inigo Montoya:** Does anyone here repair cars?

 **anime:** WHAT THA FUCK DID SHE DO TO MAH BABY

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** between lauwent and bwady, I can never hear true silence. I am but a towel, blown about in the wild beach wilds, sand in my asscrack, seagull shit all over me...


	3. Gas Station Wiggly Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerome fixes Brady’s car. Inigo is gas station wiggly boy and that’s a mood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting this one off with a wonderful incorrect quote from my beta reader (who is amazing and adored):
> 
> Inigo: My dance inspires people
> 
> Gerome: Yes, you're fucking inspiring me to leave you here
> 
> Inigo: But YOU ARE INSPIRED

**anime:** Walking home sucked but I’m more worried about MAH PRECIOUS VROOMIE

 **Inigo Montoya:** I’m gonna try and fix the car I told you 

**anime:** Don’t mess up mah fuckin Vroomie

 **Useless Lesbian:** Brady, have you considered fixing it yourself?

 **anime:** can’t 

**I got the power of god and anime on my side:** it pains him too greatly to see his baby so defeated 

**I got the power of god and anime on my side:** also he can’t repair cars

 **babey please protect:** How bad?? I’ll come help sorry;;

 **Inigo Montoya:** _vroomie.jpg  
_

 **Tsundere:** Noire how the hell

**[Tsundere changed babey please protect’s name to Proof Gays Can’t Drive]**

**go stupid aAAAAAAA:** lol gay

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** Im sorry I’ll come help sorry 

**MCR Stan:** Dont let her touch that beautiful creature 

**Inigo Montoya:** Sorry Gerome, she is my sister and I don’t swing that way.

 **Useless Lesbian:** You don’t swing towards women? I thought you had said you were straight.

 **Inigo Montoya:** FUCK OFF I MEANT I DIDNT LIKE MEN ILL FIGHT YOU

 **MCR Stan:** omw

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** why has Brady been typing for so long???

 **anime:** Noire you fucking bitch how dare you do such a thing to my precious child, I’ve had that wonderful car since I got my license, Vroomie is one of my closest friends. My real ride or die. I’ll die now, thanks to you destroying my fuckin child you dumb bitch. I’ll end your life. I’ll sick the furry on you. I’ll stab you in your ovaries. I’ll kill Severa if that makes you feel any guilt for your actions. Hell, I’ll have you watch me kill Severa, and then I’ll kill you. I will destroy your life and give ya so much ducking dread and you’ll a ducking addead you tkdukby vutchj.

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** INSOLENT FOOL HOW DARE YOU SPEAK SUCH WORDS, ILL STAB YOU THROUGH THE HEART AND WATCH YOUR PATHETIC BODY TWITCH ON THE FLOOR.

 **Butch^Butch:** Settle down, bottoms.

 **Proof Gays Can’t drive:** I mean uhm;; sorry!!! Sorry sorry!!!!!!

 **Inigo Montoya:** Alright so while Gerome fixes the car I’ll comfort Noire

 **MCR Stan:** You’re helping. Get back here before I manhandle you.

 **Inigo Montoya:** I must help.

 **Tsundere:** Just get your parents to buy you another car lol

 **anime:** my parents had to pay a lot of money after the thing so they can’t get me a new Vroomie, WHO IS IRREPLACABEL

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** I’m so glad you don’t know what the thing is about or I’d be dead

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** they left their phones on the ground;;

 **Tsundere:** Time to talk shit about them

 **Butch^Butch:** I’m not one for gossip, but when it’s getting to tell you all about Gerome I’m down

 **Useless Lesbian:** Down? As in, being a bottom?

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** sis ily sm

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** I wish my sister loved me :((

 **Tsundere:** lol 

**Butch^Butch:** I’ll say something my brother did and you say something yours did, Noire.

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** ok!!

 **Butch^Butch:** Gerome once cast his phone screen to the TV by accident when he was watching some weird anime? Lots of muscular gay looking men? Our moms were so pissed 

**Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** oh, Jojo’s is Sev’s favorite!

 **Tsundere:** fuck off it is not. You like fucking Boruto.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** So you admit you like anime?? Gay

 **Tsundere:** I don’t!!!!! Noire just never shuts up about it ugh

 **Butch^Butch:** So what’d your brother do?

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** I was going to say “yours” but that’s mean...

 **Butch^Butch:** lmao

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** one time he tried to cook something he saw mother make

 **Tsundere:** I hate Tharja

 **Useless Lesbian:** She’s an... interesting woman.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** Thotja

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** he gave it to a bunch of girls... it turned out it was some weird thing to keep mice away;;

 **Inigo Montoya:** Sister, stop this slander

 **MCR Stan:** Get back over here you twink

 **Inigo Montoya:** But I already helped you lift that thing

 **Tsundere:** Be his moral support 

**Peppy Little Bitch:** Dance for him!!

 **Inigo Montoya:** Fuck off, I’m putting this chat on silent.

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** sorry!!

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** Noire, film it please you gotta

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** um okay;; I will

 **Mathlete Jr:** Where is Yarne, I would like to speak to him.

 **Furry Nope:** h-here *shy nuzzle*

 **Mathlete Jr:** When did your sister get home last night.

 **Furry Nope:** pwease dont kill me... 

**Mathlete Jr:** Yarne.

 **Tsundere:** Holy shit what do you think your sister did

 **Furry Nope:** four am... sowwy

 **Mathlete Jr:** Get your sister, now.

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** His characters... back to their short stature... calmly typed, they hide another rage beneath...?

 **Scaley Nope:** I just woke up, what?

 **Mathlete Jr:** Is my sister to be believed?

 **Scaley Nope:** Yeah? She gave me her number first if that’s helpful?

 **Butch^Butch:** this 15 year old has more game than all of us. We gotta improve.

 **Mathlete Jr:** And you didn’t think it was crude to do such an unholy action in MY car?

 **Useless Lesbian:** Am I correct in assuming that Laurent is referring to...?

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** why are we talking about this..?

 **Mathlete Jr:** You held my baby sister’s hand, and you will pay dearly.

 **Scaley Nope:** why are you so upset, it was just hand holding??

 **Tsundere:** holy shit it was just holding hands hahahahah

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** Even Morgan and I have held hands!! No big deal!

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** PLATONICALLY 

**Useless Lesbian:** Curious

 **Tsundere:** Lucina, I better not get stuck with you as a sister-in-law

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** sorry to interrupt but... _Inigotryingtodance.mov_

 **Butch^Butch:** That is not very PG

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** I feel bad for the car.

 **anime:** VROOMIE ARE YA SCARRED FOR LIFE IM SO SORRY DEAR CHILD

 **Useless Lesbian:** Does your brother know he looks like one of those gas station wiggle boys?

**[Tsundere changed Inigo Montoya’s name to Gas Station Wiggle Boy]**

**Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** that was a few minutes ago;;

 **Butch^Butch:** He can’t say he’s straight after this. 

**Scaley Nope:** I ship it

 **anime:** Noire tell ya brother to stop doing the gay on my car. At least get ya self a shirt

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** That was disturbing to watch.

 **Mathlete Jr:** At least it took my mind off of how much I want to kill Nah

 **Furry Nope:** pwease dont kill her I’m her onii Chan pwease

 **Scaley Nope:** Make my death fast.

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** they’re done with the car I think;; 

**MCR Stan:** I do not condone his dancing but if I told him to stop he would’ve cried probably.

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** FUCK SHUT UP YOUR BITCH 

**Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** MOUTH CLOSED

 **Useless Lesbian:** Incredibly odd threats run in your family... weird

 **Tsundere:** What even is your last name

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** Don’t worry, Noire can just take yours!!

 **Tsundere:** Fuck you, go take Morgan’s.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** excuse mE WHAT

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** GAS STATION WIGGLE BOY??????

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** Mom should really give you more dance lessons.

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** OH BECAUSE YOU CAN DANCE WELL, HUH?

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** AT LEAST *I* CAN COOK A MEAL, BROTHER. YOURE JUST GOING TO BE A SAD EXCUSE FOR A HOUSE HUSBAND.

 **Tsundere:** Inigo oh my gods is THAT what you want to be?

 **Butch^Butch:** Bottom

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** that or a dancer...

 **MCR Stan:** Both perfectly respectable careers.

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** SOMEONE GETS IT, THANK YOU GEROME ILY NO HOMO

 **Useless Lesbian:** Yes, you two should be homies before being homos.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** we’ve had this chatroom one weekend and Luci is already out memeing me

 **Useless Lesbian:** oh, thank you Morgan that reminds me: Next Saturday we’ll be having a book club meeting!

 **Mathlete Jr:** What book?

 **Tsundere:** Ew, what are you nerds reading?

 **Useless Lesbian:** Morgan introduced me to an interesting piece of literature called My Immortal. I couldn’t sleep last night so I formatted and printed out enough copies for all of us if you’d like to join!

 **Butch^Butch:** No one tell her. 

**Proof Gays Can’t Read:** tell them what??

 **Butch^Butch:** That’s the spirit. Anyways, I’ll come.

 **Tsundere:** Holy shit I’m in 

**Mathlete Jr:** I suppose Ill join, and I’ll ask my sister if she would like to as well.

 **Proof Gays Can’t Read:** I’ll read it!!

 **anime:** eh sure why not

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** I’ll read this secret tome with you all... may it strengthen our bonds greatly.

 **Mathlete Jr:** Anna says she’ll come.

 **Scaley Nope:** I’m in!!!

 **Furry Nope:** I’ll come w-with Nah

 **MCR Stan:** k

 **Gas Station Wiggly Boy:** Well, if the ladies are coming... I’ll go.

 **Useless Lesbian:** I believe that’s everyone! I’ll deliver you all your copies at school tomorrow. Morgan says it’s very important that you read to the end for some reason?

 **Tsundere:** oh gawds this is really happening.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** My dad is letting us use his classroom as long as we let him lead the discussion and we all have to annotate our books HAVE FUN

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** This should be fun;;!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What would we do without beta readers to point out awful grammar mistakes? Die, that’s what.
> 
> THANK YOU SM TO MY BETA READER I KNOW I THANK HER EVERY CHAPTER BUT I REFUSE TO STOP 💖💖💖💖💖


	4. Laurent Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My Immortal book club oh no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another lovely incorrect quote from my lovely beta reader💞:
> 
> Lucina: Wow... You guys understand this? I didn't know you were cultured in other idioms. (That phrase doesn’t make much sense but Luci would say something like it)
> 
> The whole book club, trying not to die: Luci–
> 
> Kjelle: Gosh, y'all are stupid

**[DM: I got the power of god and anime on my side — > Gas Station Wiggle Boy and Tsundere]**

**I got the power of god and anime on my side:** I have discovered that this service offers a direct message function! Now I am truly free to contact you both whenever I please, despite the locks you’ve placed on my number!

 **Tsundere:** Oh, Inigo blocked you too, huh?

 **Tsundere:** And I didn’t tell you about the DM feature for a reason.

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** Yet you have underestimated me! My brother in arms has shown me this, and now I am free to speak in private!

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** One of my few bad moves.

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** I come bearing important news: Due to our book club this afternoon,

 **Tsundere:** I’m busy. What. Do. You. Nerds. Want.

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** the dnd session is at 6 tonight at Inigo’s house.

 **Tsundere:** I’m not playing your fucking nerd game at Noire’s house.

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** I’m telling my sister you don’t want to see her

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** I suppose... I’ll have to lay your character to rest... farewell, Selena...

 **Tsundere:** NO

 **Tsundere:** I mean FINE I’ll play, but just to humor you two.

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Wonderful ;)

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** I have asked Noire to make us snacks for the occasion! This is an interesting part of the campaign indeed, and shall take a great deal of energy.

 **Tsundere:** Cool

 **Tsundere:** WAIT

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** DONT LET NOIRE MAKE FOOD, OWAIN

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** but those cakes she made for my birthday were elegant!

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** You should’ve seen all the failed attempts... She only made them good in the end because mom helped

 **Tsundere:** She just about gave herself food poisoning trying to make one of Tharja’s recipes

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** Perhaps I will... ask Miss Olivia to provide snack-age instead...

* * *

**[Gay Inheritants]**

**Useless Lesbian:** The book club is this afternoon, so please remember to finish the book if you haven’t already.

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** we’ll have,, a lot to discuss;;

 **Tsundere:** That book was the *worst*! I already hated reading enough.

 **Scaley Nope:** I like books and I am not counting that monstrosity as a book.

 **Furry Nope:** it was scawy n-nah had 2 read it to me...

 **Mathlete Jr:** Serves her right. Those vile words deserved to be on her tongue.

 **Furry Nope:** Laurent it’s been a week get over it.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** dad says he’s glad you liked the book but you gotta pay attention in class.

 **Butch^Butch:** Enjoyed? What the hell. Morgan, you made us read My Immortal

 **anime:** tell him to forgive me for being late, Vroomie was slow on the drive

 **I got the power of god and anime on my side:** A thousand curses dedicated to the one who ruined my brother’s precious steed!

 **Gas Station Wiggly Boy:** Leave my baby sister alone! I fixed your stupid car already!

 **MCR Stan:** our*

 **MCR Stan:** wait shit

 **MCR Stan:** we**

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** “our baby sister”?? Um;;?

 **Butch^Butch:** Noire, my sister-in-law?Damnit.

 **Tsundere:** Shut it Kjelle

 **Butch^Butch:** make me.

 **Tsundere:** lmao ask Luci that

 **Useless Lesbian:** I’m afraid I don’t understand.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** If I were Kjelle, I’d be afraid too.

 **Useless Lesbian:** Sister?

 **Butch^Butch:** Oh, sure, I’m plenty afraid of pipsqueaks like you.

 **Tsundere:** Quit the PDA. Anyways—

**[Tsundere changed anime’s name to carsexual]**

**[Tsundere changed I got the power of god and anime on my side’s name to I got the power of god and carsexual on my side]**

**carsexual:** fuck ya, I still need to finish that book b4 the club... and start it

 **I got the power of god and carsexual on my side:** As long as my brother and I can be in harmony... I am in my element.

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** MY LITTLE POOO~~OONY 

**go stupid aAAAAAAA:** skinny and bony

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** :(

 **Tsundere:** Fuck off Cynthie no one cares about pegasi

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** your just jeaaaalous!!

 **Useless Lesbian:** You’re* 

**Useless Lesbian:** Sorry for the correction, but no sister of mine will have improper grammar.

 **Tsundere:** oh, perfect: ya r so dumb i ill deaden ya Morgan if ya tries two get with me sista,

 **Peppy Little Bitch:** Sorry Luci!!! You’d would make a super duper sister, but I don’t need to be adopted!!

**[Tsundere changed Peppy Little Bitch’s name to Pegasister]**

**Pegasister:** SEVVY STOP BEING MEAN TO EVERYONE :( ILL CRY

 **Tsundere:** Yeah sure, cry in the middle of class. Knock yourself out.

 **Useless Lesbian:** I don’t want either of you as sisters, now that I think about it.

 **Pegasister:** FINE ILL JUST RUN AWAY THEN I DONT WANNA TO BE YOUR SISTER EITHER

 **Tsundere:** Woah, Cynthia and I agree. Crazy.

 **Useless Lesbian:** Morgan, am I an undesirable sister?

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** lmao no me

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** I uhm;; think you’d be a good sister!!,,

 **Useless Lesbian:** I’m sure we can end up as sisters someday, Noire.

 **MCR Stan:** you’d have to marry Kjelle for that to work

 **MCR Stan:** wait no there’s another option don’t go the Kjelle route please

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** you guys are operating on another plane what

 **carsexual:** Owain, analysis 

**I got the power of god and carsexual on my side:** Yes... his words have meaning....

 **I got the power of god and carsexual on my side:** to become sisters of the law... Lucina would have to first marry into Gerome’s family... then in turn, Gerome would marry into Noire’s.....

 **Tsundere:** HE IS NOT MARRYING NOIRE

 **Tsundere:** Because I am NOT being maid of honor at Gerome’s wedding!

 **MCR Stan:** exactly.

 **I got the power of god and carsexual on my side:** so then.. he would have to marry.... the one with comphet strong enough to break reality.......

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** ,haha no

 **I got the power of god and carsexual on my side:** there is a third path...... available as DLC....... the writing sucks...

 **carsexual:** thank ya, Owain but we’ve heard enough

 **Pegasister:** Hey no fair!!! I wanna hear the third path!

 **Mathlete Jr:** Morgan marries you, Severa marries Noire.

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** uhm,,?

 **Tsundere:** hahahahaha that’d never happen lmao we’re friends

 **Useless Lesbian:** Hmm...

 **Tsundere:** Right?

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** uhm,, yeah;;;

 **Scaley Nope:** Hopefully they can put all the paths in one game this time.

 **Mathlete Jr:** I predict that it just may happen. Now, we must return to our studies.

* * *

**[DM: Useless Lesbian — > go stupid aAAAAAAA]**

**Useless Lesbian:** Sister, why did you let Papa lead the discussion?

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** well would you rather dad do it?

 **Useless Lesbian:** You make a fair point...

 **Useless Lesbian:** Still, he’s being so harsh to Brady for only finishing the book today. I feel bad.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** you know our cousin, he’ll deal.

 **Useless Lesbian:** I suppose so. Oh, the discussion is starting! We shouldn’t miss it.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** oh yeah, we shouldn’t miss something so *important*

* * *

**[Gay Inheritants]**

**carsexual:** Please let us leave this gods-forsaken book club

 **Furry Nope:** dis is not fun.. :’3

 **Useless Lesbian:** Please pay attention, boys.

 **Tsundere:** I’m fucking leaving before I throw up.

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** I uhm,,, need to go to the bathroom,,, bye sorry;;

 **Pegasister:** I need to go check on those two lovebirds!

 **Tsundere:** Shut it we are not

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** I will join you, Cynthia! Haha <3

 **MCR Stan:** im following Inigo

 **Butch^Butch:** I just hate this club

 **Scaley Nope:** Me too, let’s all leave

 **Useless Lesbian:** Please wait!

 **Useless Lesbian:** Excuse my Ylissean but... shit

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** aw all our friends left

 **Mathlete Jr:** I am still here, hem hem

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** aw all our friends left

 **Mathlete Jr:** And now, so have I.

 **Useless Lesbian:** Sister, I don’t wish to hear papa explain any further what a “thingie” and a “you know what” are.

 **Useless Lesbian:** Who in Naga’s name is putting these questions in the virtual box?!

 **Tsundere:** Noire and I thought it’d be funny

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** uhm,, sorry;;

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** “do you think the scene in the forbidden forest (the one after the concert) is more dramatic read aloud?” Holy fuck who??

 **Pegasister:** SEVVY I TOLD YOU TO STOP BEING MEANN!!!

 **Tsundere:** lmao whoops

 **Useless Lesbian:** Inigo please stop submitting questions.

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Aha, sorry for flexing the fact I, like Draco, get all of the most beautiful women.

 **Scaley Nope:** (Draco totally fucked Harry)

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** WAIT I JUST SKIMMED THE BOOK I WAS NOT AWARE OF THIS

 **MCR Stan:** for the record, do not call me vampire

 **Mathlete Jr:** As someone who has been called Harry Potter in the past, I do not associate myself with Inigo in any way

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** IF I DID LIKE MEN WHICH I DO NOT I WOULD NOT LIKE EITHER OF YOU

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** ,,,

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Ahahahahah *do not*

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** Sorry!! I wasn’t going to,, I’ll dm you rq;;

 **carsexual:** whoever asked that last question... ya have issues

 **Scales Nope:** What the heck???

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** sorry Luci but I’m leaving 

**Useless Lesbian:** SISTER THIS WHOLE THING WAS YOUR IDEA COME BACK

* * *

**[DM: Proof Gays Can’t Drive — > Gas Station Wiggle Boy]**

**Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Seems my DMs are popular today!

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** uhm,, hi Inigo

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Ah, hello Noire

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** I uhm,,, was just wondering.. when are you coming out;;?

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** When pigs fly ahahah

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Please tell me you didn’t tell anyone

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** not that I remember,, but I think they all know anyways sorry

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** uhm I’m not gonna out you but,,, you should tell them at some point

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** I am Heterinigo hahahah

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Straightgo

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Inigosexual

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** that last one is uhm,, more Gerome than you

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Hahaha how funny of you to say that, sister.

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** I mean it,, he is

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** There’s no way he actually likes me? Haha

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** well,,, Sev told me that Cynthia told her that Morgan told her that Luci said Kjelle said Gerome did,,

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** but uhm idk;;

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Hahahahaha just like a game of telephone clearly it was misinterpreted somewhere

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Before I die I should remind you DND is at our house tonight

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** oh,, I know!! Owain wanted me to make snacks but um,, dw mom is helping it’s okay

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** And... Severa does DND with us

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** I NEED TO CLEAN MY FUCKING ROOM

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** I NEED TO GO HOME AND CLEAN MY ROOM IT’S ALMOST 5:30 AAA

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** WAIT SISTER LET ME DRIVE YOU

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** DONT YOU WANT TO FIX ANOTHER CAR WITH YOUR CRUSH?

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** AS TEMPTING AS THAT IS ILL FIND SOME OTHER WAY TO BOND WITH GEROME

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** sorry!! I’m by your car whenever;;

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** My little sister has found love... so young. Brings a tear to my eye!

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** I haven’t,,, and I’m uhm,,, a few minutes older;

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Hahah that is irrelevant!

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** sister, if Severa becomes my in-law.... don’t let me get murdered

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** um,, ok?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DID I MENTION😤HOW MUCH I LOVE 💖💖💖MY BETA READER???
> 
> Note: I’m going to start updating every two weeks, to stay more consistent and because quality > quantity and I’m bad about that sometimes.


	5. whyimatop.txt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The age-old battle between tops and bottoms rages on. Severa is upset about the side of the war she's on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU BETA READER ILY <3333

**[DM: Gas Station Wiggle Boy— >Proof Gays Can’t Drive]  
**

**Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** DND is at our house again tonight, sister

 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** ok,, why is it always at our house now;;? it's been like that for like a month;;

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Whatever do you mean?  
  
 **Proof Gays Can’t Drive:** um,, I just feel like you never go to owain's house for it anymore?,,

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Ah, Brady got tired of him screeching every week.

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** doesn't he,,,, screech all the time..?

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** You make a good point...

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Severa also threatened to stop coming to DND, so.

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** What does that have to do with me??

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Sister, you don't need to act naive~

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** ,

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Honestly, you're lucky! Having a beautiful girl *like* you...

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** there's no way she does so SHUT UP AND STOP TEASING ME

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** and you have Gerome, so SHUT! UP! you don't need to be so rude to me, brother!

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Sister, I love you too <3

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** I didn't say....

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** <33333 yes you did, ily

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** okay,,,? sorry <3

* * *

**[Gay Inheritants]**

**Butch^Butch:** Severa, you know how you made that boy's chatroom and you weren't in it?

 **Tsundere:** Yeah? What about it?

 **Butch^Butch:** Well, do it again, but make it for tops.

 **Tsundere:** Excuse me?! I am *SO* a top.

 **MCR Stan:** wrong

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** lmao bottom Severa gay 

**Useless Lesbian:** Bottom? What do you mean by that, Kjelle?

 **Butch^Butch:** Come over and I'll show you, yeah?

 **Useless Lesbian:** Thank you for the invitation. If I'm free after studying I'd love to come see what this whole "bottom" thing is about.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** GO LUCI, YOU CAN TOP HER-

 **Butch^Butch:** She can't, but I'd like to see her try.

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** um,,,?

 **MCR Stan:** Inigo let me hide in your house

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** What, why mine?

 **MCR Stan:** I'm not staying home while Kjelle does.. whatever

 **Tsundere:** Ugh I am NOT going to your house while Gerome is there, Laslow.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** Who's Laslow?

 **Tsundere:** Stupid autocorrect

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** oh,, I think I remember who Laslow was,,,,?

 **Tsundere:** NOIRE DO NOT

 **Tsundere:** Or I won't come with you to the scramble.

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** ok;; sorry

 **Mathlete Jr:** What is even happening.

 **Scaley Nope:** Can you all chill the fuck out

 **Scaley Nope:** What is HAPPENING

 **I got the** **power of god and carsexual on my side:** Allow me to explain.

 **Mathlete Jr:** Granted...

 **I got the power of god and carsexual on my side:** Kjelle and Lucina are going to... engage in some shady deed, in her anger at the idea of Gerome interrupting her date with Noire, Severa nearly exposed herself, and Noire almost exposed Severa too, but Severa threatened to remove her dating rights... I think.

 **Mathlete Jr:** How do you manage to make things coherent? You're usually so foolish, but occasionally you exhibit intelligent behaviors... Curious

 **I got the power of god and carsexual on my side:** I wuv u 2 lauwent

 **Mathlete Jr:** There's the fool.

 **Tsundere:** _whyimatop.txt_

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** WHY IS IT A TEXT FILE

 **Tsundere:** Hit the character limit.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** BITCH THIS CHATROOM DOES 10000 CHARACTERS

 **Tsundere:** And?

 **Butch^Butch:** This all sounds like stuff a bottom would say.

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** pff..

 **Tsundere:** NOIRE 

**Tsundere:** NOIRE IM A TOP SHUT THE *FUCK* UP DONT LAUGH

 **Tsundere:** NOIRE ILL FUCKING TOP YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP

 **Tsundere:** I mean. Whatever, bottoms.

 **Butch^Butch:** I'm dying, what

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** FIRST WAS KJELLE AND LUCINA NOW YOU TWO? SHAME SHAME GAY SHAME

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU ABSOLUTE BOTTOM

 **Butch^Butch:** Severa, just make the top room before you embarrass yourself further, yeah?

 **Tsundere:** Fine, but I'm not going to be happy about it.

 **Tsundere:** Who goes where?

 **Mathlete Jr:** If I may intercede; I believe I have an accurate list. Some on it are switches, but for the purpose of this chatroom, I believe it's accurate?

 **Useless Lesbian:** What, can you tell who "bottoms" are from appearance alone?

 **Mathlete Jr:** Yes, it's become quite clear to me who the bottoms are.

 **Mathlete Jr:** Severa, Lucina, Morgan, Inigo, Yarne, and myself.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** IM A FUCKING POWER BOTTOM LESSSGOOOOO

 **Mathlete Jr:** And the corresponding tops:

 **Mathlete Jr:** Noire, Kjelle, Cynthia, Gerome, Brady, and Owain.

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** And WHAT exactly does corresponding mean?

 **I got the power of god and carsexual on my side:** Lauwent...... I correspond with you? Grandest of grand days, that you would consider us equals upon! But, uh, what do you mean by that?

 **Mathlete Jr:** Anyways. Severa, make the chats.

 **Tsundere:** GAWDS FINE I HATE YOU ALL

**[Tsundere created new chat: "Tops" and invited 5 others]**

**[Tsundere changed "Tops" admin to Pegasister]**

**[Tsundere left chat "Tops"]**

**[Tsundere created new chat: "Bottoms :/" and invited 6 others]**

**Tsundere:** Ugh fine I did your stupid thing, gawds

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** haah, im a top,,

 **Scaley Nope:** Alright again, what the heck is happening? 

**Useless Lesbian:** Perhaps reading a few old messages could help, Nah?

 **Scaley Nope:** Good idea

 **Scaley Nope:** lmao corresponding 

**Scaley Nope:** So what, Laurent, are you into Owain?

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** KJSEHGKESBTKJ HE MUST BE AAA

 **Mathlete Jr:** I don't

 **Mathlete Jr:** I didn't mean

 **Useless Lesbian:** No, Laurent, it looks to me like you not only like my cousin, but claim you are his "bottom"?

 **Butch^Butch:** Take your fantasies to the bottom chat before I puke, nerd

* * *

**["Bottoms :/"]**

**Tsundere:** For the record I HIGHLY disagree with this whole thing!

 **Tsundere:** But if I *have* to be here, I'm making some rules.

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** I'll follow your rules to the ends of the earth, Sevvy <3

 **Tsundere:** Rule 1. that nickname is NOT FOR YOU to use

 **Tsundere:** Rule 2. Inigo is not allowed to flirt with women.

 **Furry Nope:** um, h-hi,,, ca-can he flirt with boys-?

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** HAHA I would never, Yarne. 

**Useless Lesbian:** I think he should only flirt with his crush, or else he might get jealous.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** gergnome

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** As striking and wonderful as he is, I am not gay and I do not have a thing for Gerome ahaha

 **Tsundere:** Rule 3. You have to come out and you can't lie about your crush.

 **Tsundere:** As much as I hate his stupid nerd face, Laurent has a point making these the groups, but NOT because im a bottom! I am NOT

 **Mathlete Jr:** Thank you, Severa. I appreciate it.

 **Mathlete Jr:** I have clearly hypothesized many crushes already, but would you like to be first to tell yours?

 **Tsundere:** it was my idea I should go last lmao

 **Useless Lesbian:** Excuse my interruption, but may I ask why Nah isn't in either chat?

 **Mathlete Jr:** These chats are for matchmaking, she has made a match already.

 **Useless Lesbian:** Oh, I see! Thank you.

 **Furry Nope:** wh-who are we matching w-with me~? uwu?

 **Tsundere:** Rule 4. No stuttering in text. Ew.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** doesnt ur crush literally do that LMAMAMAOOOO

 **Tsundere:** Noire is *not* my crush for the record! and that's different, she isn't a fucking furry

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** What is she, your girlfriend?

 **Tsundere:** NO

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** who's going first saying their crush? no balls??

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** NO RESPONSE AHHAHA BOTTOMS SINCE IM A POWER BOTTOM DARE I SAY ILL GO FIRST

 **Useless Lesbian:** Sister, I wasn't aware you had a crush? On whom?

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** watch out Severa, Im gonna steal ur sister mwahahahahHAHHA

 **Tsundere:** WHO THE HELL LET YOU LIKE MY SISTER

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** I DON TNEED PERMISSION FOR A CRUSH LMAO DID YOU HAVE TO GET INIGO'S??

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** :( Sevvy never asked for permission

 **Tsundere:** Inigo you broke a rule, you gotta fess up who your crush is.

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** BUT YOU BROKE A RULE EARLIER??

 **Tsundere:** Tough luck, motherfucker.

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** I'm going to be taunted to no end for this...

 **Furry Nope:** gewome?

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** PLEASE GUYS YOU CANT TELL HIM

 **Tsundere:** Too late im putting it on a bulletin board lmao

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** SEVERA PLEAASE

 **Useless Lesbian:** Is now the appropriate time to mention that I wish to be Gerome's in-law?

 **Tsundere:** Kjelle??????? lmao

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** SISTER UR FUCKING GAE

 **Useless Lesbian:** Yes, I believe I am...

 **Mathlete Jr:** So bold, admitting your crush right off the bat... 

**Mathlete Jr:** Who should be next?

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** severa

 **Useless Lesbian:** Severa should, I believe

 **Furry Nope:** sevewa...

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Sevvy~~

 **Mathlete Jr:** Severa, it seems you're next

 **Tsundere:** fuck you guys im on my way to Inigo's house go die

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Ill be sure to tell Noire her girlfriend is coming over <3

 **Tsundere:** eat shit and DIE

* * *

**["Tops"]**

**Butch^Butch:** Sup fuckers

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** uhm,,,, hi

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** how am I a top,,?

 **Pegasister:** Ooh what's this chat???

 **carsexual:** im a top, aight

 **I got the power of god and carsexual on my side:** yes... my INFINITE POWER!!!!!1 I AM THE TOP-EST OF TOPS, MARK MY WORDS ON THIS FATEFUL DAY

 **Butch^Butch:** You aren't acting like a top

 **I got the power of god and carsexual on my side:** MY ACT IS IMMACULATE! But... im open to constructive criticism 

**Pegasister:** Do I act like a top? Are tops heroic?? Because I super am!!!

 **Butch^Butch:** Tops don't scream like a bunch of bottoms, so shut up.

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** um,, sorry, but I don't think,,,, that tops can boss around other tops;;?

 **Butch^Butch:** Shut up, Noire. You put the switch in switch.

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** SILENCE YOURSELF, YOU ARE THE BOTTOMEST OF ALL OF US! A TRUE TOP WOULD NOT ABRASE THEIR COMRADES, SO SHUT UP, KJELLE

 **Pegasister:** H*CK YEAH, NOIRE

 **I got the power of god and carsexual on my side:** TOP SCREAMING RIGHTS

 **MCR Stan:** aaaa?

 **carsexual:** AAAAAAA

 **I got the power of god and carsexual on my side:** AAAAAAAAAAAHHH

 **Pegasister:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYE!

 **Butch^Butch:** I.

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** uhm,,, sorry!!!!!

 **Pegasister:** Don't be sorry, join us!

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** oh, okay,, AAAAAAA...?

 **Butch^Butch:** Fuck this shit, aaaaaaaaaaaall of you are bottoms.

 **Pegasister:** No you, AAAA!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gonna have to have a few of these ready in advance so im all set for Hapistance week, which is coming up soon-


	6. the SPOOKY name game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spooky day is almost here!! (well, in this fic at least)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rushed this and didn't get it beta read because fml and f homework but I STILL LOVE YOU BETA READER <3

**[Gay Inheritants]**

**Scaley Nope:** Hey, since I'm "too young" for the top and bottom chats, and the girls chat is dead, can I get some sort of reimbursement?

 **Useless Lesbian:** Oh, Nah! I suppose Laurent *did* forget to assign you to a chatroom.

 **Mathlete Jr:** It was no mistake.

 **Scaley Nope:** I'm content not being in them, thanks Laurent! Just gives me and my gf more time to hold handssss

 **Mathlete Jr:** DONT DO SHIT TO MY SISTER IM NEVER LEAVING HER UNSUPERVISED AGAIN

 **Scaley Nope:** :/ well if im not in the top or bottom chats, what am I meant to do?

 **Mathlete Jr:** Nah, what do you want from me?

 **Scaley Nope:** Invite Anna to this chat!!!

 **Useless Lesbian:** I believe only Severa has the power to do so

 **Mathlete Jr:** I suppose if I can keep you both under strict supervision... 

**Mathlete Jr:** Where's Severa?

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** oh;; I can get her rq!!

 **Scaley Nope:** You have my thanks :)

 **Tsundere:** Ew what do you all want

 **Scaley Nope:** Add Anna to this chatroom, please!

 **Tsundere:** Eh sure just DM me her number

 **Useless Lesbian:** Wait, you added us to this chatroom with our numbers?

 **Mathlete Jr:** Hm, how did you acquire all of ours?

 **Tsundere:** None of your business!

 **Tsundere:** Now do you want your stupid capitalist sister in here or not?

 **Mathlete Jr:** She is *not* stupid.

 **Scaley Nope:** addheraddheraddher!

 **Pegasister:** Sevvvyyy stop being mean!!!1

**[Tsundere invited Anna to chat: Gay Inheritants]**

**Anna:** HEEYYYYYYYYY

 **Scaley Nope:** Heeeeeeeeeyyyyyy

 **Mathlete Jr:** This was a mistake

 **Anna:** Heyyyyy Laurentttttt

 **Mathlete Jr:** Sister, do not.

 **Anna:** Ooh you don't want me to call you Laurent? Okay.....

 **Tsundere:** Ugh, having a sister must be SO annoying

 **Pegasister:** SEVVY STOP BEING MEAN ILL CRY

 **Tsundere:** Boohoo, gawds.

 **Mathlete Jr:** Anna, do not.

 **Anna:** You forced my hand,

 **Mathlete Jr:** I will remove you from the team.

 **Anna:** L

 **Scaley Nope:** L...?

 **Anna:** Laurie~~

 **Mathlete Jr:** Shut up, Bananna

 **Anna:** hahah mine isn't nearly as embarrassing, Laurie

 **Scaley Nope:** *Laurie* and *Bananna* ? 

**Furry Nope:** uhm,, w-what's happening here?

 **Anna:** Yarne? How's your day?

 **Furry Nope:** It's g-good.. uwu

 **Anna:** You know what could make it even better?

 **Mathlete Jr:** Anna, please do not try to sell things to my... friend Yarne.

 **Anna:** Awwww, I was just gonna tell him to check out our Harvest Festival selection! It's coming up, everyone needs costumes!

 **Scaley Nope:** Oooohh Anna we need to match!

 **Anna:** Of course we do! And if any other happy couples want to go in pairs, be sure to come down to Anna & Co's—tumes

 **Tsundere:** What does that name even *MEAN*? Annas have the weirdest store names gawds

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** I think,, it's like costumes.. co's-tumes;; I think!

 **Tsundere:** Dumb.

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Woah woah woah, Severa, don't call your beloved dumb! You're lucky to have a girl like her

 **Tsundere:** You're lucky your head is still on your shoulders.

 **Anna:** Ahahah *we are not held liable for any decapitation or other murder that takes place in the store*

 **Anna:** So come on down! Please.

 **carsexual:** Tha festival's not for like 2 weeks, why do ya need costumes now?

 **Scaley Nope:** It's exciting to be ready early

 **Mathlete Jr:** And everything's on sale this week only, come get your goods.

 **Anna:** Mhm! I'm juggling about 4 jobs right now, so any help is appreciated! 

**Proof Gays Can't Drive:** Four,,,?

 **Anna:** I put my application for Annazon in the other day as well, I might get to be a delivery driver.

 **Tsundere:** Can you even fucking drive?

 **Anna:** Depends on if you appreciate the law :)

 **Tsundere:**...

**[Tsundere changed Anna's name to Banana-fana fo-fanna]**

**Banana-fana fo-fanna:** Fi-fi fo fum, right?

 **Tsundere:** It's the name game, gawds you're daft.

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** oh,, I liked that song!! I don't remember all the rules though;;

 **Tsundere:** Someone with culture, finally! And not that care, but if it makes you feel better, I had to look up the lyrics

 **Tsundere:** JUST AS A REFRESHER

 **Banana-fana fo-fanna:** Ooh, I'm sure I have a great costume for this couple! Why don't you guys come to my shop?

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** Oh,,, sorry, we're uhm;; not

 **Banana-fana fo-fanna:** Hmmm, I'm sure I have something for "friends" , then!

 **Useless Lesbian:** Hello, Anna. What time does your shop open?

 **Banana-fana fo-fanna:** Ooh, anytime, so long as you buy!

 **Useless Lesbian:** Good! I just may come down later to purchase something. Kjelle, what's your size?

 **Butch^Butch:** What.

 **Banana-fana fo-fanna:** First customers? Come down this afternoon and I'll get you guys the best couple costume ever, or else you can get a refund! (refund offer only valid for 30 minutes after purchase, customer must provide ID and pay a fee for coming into the shop without buying)

 **Butch^Butch:** Shitty business practice, but sure.

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** What.... Did Lucina just ask Kjelle out?

 **Useless Lesbian:** Oh dear, did I? 

**Butch^Butch:** Fucking wait, did you?

 **Useless Lesbian:** Well.

 **Useless Lesbian:** If I didn't already, I am now.

 **Tsundere:** WHAT THE FUCK HOW DO YOU GUYS ASK PEOPLE OUT SO EASILY

 **Butch^Butch:** Sure thing, bottom

 **Tsundere:** ?????????????????? WHY CANT I GET A GF THAT EASY

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** I'm uhm;; sure you could!

 **go stupid** **aAAAAAAA:** Lol lesbians

 **Useless Lesbian:** ... Morgan

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** ... Lucina

 **Butch^Butch:** Im gonna go be a dick to Gerome, he didn't think Id get a gf with my "scariness" 

**MCR Stan:** Well I certainly didn't think you'd get a partner before me.

 **Butch^Butch:** Why don't you and your little boyfriend come down to the costume shop later, yeah?

 **MCR Stan:** Shut up.

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** Inigo says he can't talk rn!! he's like screaming or something;;?

 **Useless Lesbian:** Ah, I must go as well! Kjelle and I should get our costumes soon.

 **Butch^Butch:** Dressing up for the harvest festival is for dumb kids, but I guess I'll do it

 **Butch^Butch:** Ugh, for Lucina...

 **Tsundere:** Get this disgusting PDA out of my chatroom

 **Banana-fana fo-fanna:** Oh wow, I better set up shop! See you all later~!

 **Scaley Nope:** I need to go sob over the loss of my lover. Or do homework, cya.

 **carsexual:** Arr they gone?

 **I got the power of god and carsexual on my side:** Fear not, fellow singles, for your desired man has arrived! The legendary Owain Dark is here to make women and men alike swoon!

 **Mathlete Jr:** Curious.

 **I got the power of god and carsexual on my side:** Hello to you too, Laurent...

 **Mathlete Jr:** I don't have time for your stupid ranting, I have much more pressing matters to attend to.

 **I got the power of god and carsexual on my side:** I have places to be too, you know! Fear my bustling schedule, it screams with business!

 **Mathlete Jr:** Good day, then.

 **I got the power of god and carsexual on my side:** Er, wait—Laurent, I have an invitation for you.

 **Mathlete Jr:** Mail it to my address, if it's that important. 

**carsexual:** wow Owain ya luck with "women and men alike" sure does suck

 **I got the power of god and carsexual on my side:** Aw man, what's he so upset about? I just wanted to know if he wanted to play DND with the group.

 **Tsundere:** If *I* was Laurent (which ugh that must SUCK), I'd be mad at my sister doing PDA in front of me.

 **Pegasister:** Ooooh what's PDA???? Is it super heroic? Can I do it can I do it?

 **Tsundere:** Ha, good LUCK finding someone to do PDA with you, bitch.

 **Pegasister:** Haha, well whatever it is must be for BIG MEANIES >:(

 **carsexual:** I think she means holdin hands in public or somethin 

**Pegasister:** Ohhh!!!1! Yeah no one would do that with Sevvy because she's a BIG FAT MEANIE (ily sevvy please unblock meeee)

 **Tsundere:** Im sure TONS of people would do that with me, I just dont like anyone! Gawds

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** (im telling Noire that you want to break up)

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** uhm,,? Inigo;;

 **Tsundere:** Shut UP, Inihoe.

 **Tsundere:** Im fucking leaving again.

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** Nooo Sevvy dont leave your so sexy aha

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** But also it's been your turn to share your crush in the bottom chat for like a week please just tell us

 **Pegasister:** I dont think she needs to tell you for you to know!1!

 **Tsundere:** Severa likes Noire 1!one!1!!!1 im a stupid bitch who cant comprehend female friendships because Ive never had annnyyyy wahhhh heroism!!1!!one!

 **Pegasister:** Sevvy stop being a MEANIE PANTS >:(

 **Tsundere:** im going to bed, dont find me

 **go stupid aAAAAAAA:** It's 4pm

 **Tsundere:** zzz

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** Uhm,,, rest well?

* * *

**[DM: Proof Gays Can't Drive — > Gas Station Wiggle Boy]**

**Proof Gays Can't Drive:** uhm, Inigo?

 **Gas** **Station Wiggle Boy:** Yes, sister?

 **Proof Gays Can't** **Drive:** is.... is it possible to die of gayness;;?

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** If it was, I'd have (literally!) fallen to Gerome a while ago.

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** ,,,,, girljs pretty;;

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** I loathe the day when you get married and I become in-laws with Severa.. she'd hate me even more

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** Sounds fun;;

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** Sister :(

 **Proof Gays Can't Drive:** Brother <3

 **Gas Station Wiggle Boy:** <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *slaps gay solidarity siblings on the end*
> 
> wish me luck with Hapistance week,,, I may die of gay


End file.
